crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit

if i fall, if i die, know i lived it to the fullest
if i fall, if i die, know i lived missing bullets

i'll be fine once i get it.

tell me what you know about dreaming. TELL ME.
you don't really know about nothing.
TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT DREAMS.

you don't really care about the trials of tomorrow,
rather lay awake in the bed full of sorrow.

i'm on the pursuit of happiness, and i know everything that shine isn't always going to be gold.
i'll be fine once i get it, i'll be good.

i'll be good.

Can love slowly yet surely grow into resentment? Not necessarily love, but the things that we do for love. Say, for example, you are helping your mother through a very rough transition of different medical drugs; slowly eliminating one and starting an entirely new one. Now, in my personal opinion, I think people who have been through more life-altering events know the deeper and more meaningful side of love and relationships than others. Yet, when your mother is balling on her bathroom floor while you're there to clean up her bloody mess after she clawed herself to mere bone; it can cause one to wonder if this is what relation and heredity will subdue you to. I do not want to resent my mother, but I also do not want to grow up aspiring to be the exact opposite of her either. Did I miss the one way ticket to normalcy? Because in all honesty, on the outskirts of my large stew of love brews a terrible new being yet waiting to be unleashed.

uncertainly uneasy

read

Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.
You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
a sunrise and the sun sets.
You’re lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
a sunrise and the sun sets you realize
then you forget what you’ve been trying to retain.
But everybody knows it’s all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
and she raised her hands in the air asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
cause you have changed.
Yeah, you have changed.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
You are hopeful and then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With a sunrise and a sunset there’s a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You’re manic or you’re depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
for a sunrise or sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think she’d stay?
For a sunrise or sunset.
You’re either coming or you just left but you’re always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
It’s a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
There’s no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just won’t know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So it’s true, the trick is complete.
become everything you said that you never would be.
You’re a fool! You’re a fool!
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
The sunrise and the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.
Where are you Arienette?
Where are you Arienette?

I attempted to do the recycling today and all I got was a face full of empty cat food tins courtesy of the wind.

How can someone so inconsistent mess up so consistently

bad trip

We're at the ranch. It's Halloween outside tonight. The tree is a tarantula. I can't stop laughing. Andrew comes to get me. We go to Shell. The candy is too bright. The man's eyes are moving. I go pee. We go back to the ranch, Andrew leaves. The asian song is playing. "Let's go to Tyson's!". The leaves are horses prancing around. Driving is like a video game. I'm going 60 degrees, more music, less heat, more heat, more music, what gear am I in?, where are we?, I'm going 60 degrees, less heat, less music. I can't brush my hair, it's too hard. I feel fat. I'm not pretty. Megan's hair is soft. Too much stuff. I get out of the car. Walking is hard. Too many people. I see Ashley. "Let's go inside!". Too many people. I need to pee. The bathroom is breathing. I can't pee. I look gross, I'm fat. Stumble out of the bathroom. Joel Warner, I only need Joel Warner. I can't find my shoes. I stumble to my car. I crawl in. I can't get up there's too much stuff. I want to go back inside Tyson's. Megan doesn't. Brittney comes. Too many people. I need a drink of water. I am being sucked into my cup of water. I walk around and see Karl Bauer. I hug Shawn Dodd. I fall on the couch. I stumble outside. I go and see Colby in his red truck. I talk to Brandon Paron, Kaiden, and meet a boy named Trevor French. All the while I am getting more and more fucked up. I start getting disfunctional. I can't speak. I back away and sit by the fence. Megan comes out and hugs me. We go and sit in my car. I sit in the passenger seat and I'm waay too fucked to move. Megan sits on top of me. I can't stop laughing. I phone Mitch. I start crying. I don't know why I'm crying. Why am I crying? Why are there so many why's? Megan comes outside with me. Am I still dating Chris? Who is Brendan Toft? Who is Montana? Why am I crying? I sit down. I get up. I go back to my car. Andrew appears out of nowhere and is sitting in my car. I am crying. I need Kleenex. Where is the fucking kleenex? I start puking. Dylan and Colby watch me puke. Colby and Dylan try to help. I can't remember taking the mushrooms. What is going on? I'm bawling. I'm being a bitch. I can't stop crying. I can't stop puking. Ryan calls me. I am crying. I don't know what's going on. Why doesn't Paige call me? Why is Andrew being such a dick? Why is Megan being so mean? I don't want Brittney here. Where is the fucking Kleenex? What is school. I'm bad at school. I don't have a job. I don't have money. What is money? What is school? Where is the fucking Kleenex. "I DON'T WANT TO BE OUTSIDE OF TYSON'S! DRIVE MY CAR, ANDREW". We're driving. I can't stop crying. They're mocking me. They're laughing at me. They don't want to be around me. We stop. WHY ARE WE STOPPED ANDREW. Get out of my car, Brittney. Megan why are you being so mean? You guys are so mean. I can't stop crying. We are driving. The cops show up at Tyson's. What are cops? What is life? What is suicide? How can I die? I am too fucked up. STOP THE CAR I'M GOING TO PUKE. My puke is crimson red. Where is the fucking Kleenex? Let's go to the ranch. Let's go under the bridge. WHERE ARE WE GOING. WHY AREN'T WE STOPPING. I want my bed. I want my home. Who is Brendan Toft? What is school? What is a cell phone? I want my bed. I want to cuddle. I'm lonely. Do you like me? Do you want me around? Am I pretty? Am I fat? We go to Shell. Brittney goes to Taylor's. I start to feel better. I feel a lot better. Andrew stops the car and goes home. Megan comes in the front seat. We play the asian song. We talk nonsense for what feels like hours. What is time? What is a clock? Why do I wear make up? I need to finish my make up before we go. Where is my phone? I call Mitch. I talk nonsense. Red got beat up by a cop. People keep walking by and staring. Chase comes up to my car asking for weed. I am laughing really hard. Mariah closes my door. Dumb cunt. I finish my makeup and go to Fas Gas. I have to pee. I cant walk properly. We are fucked up. Megan pees first. I cant stop laughing. I pee next. I cant stop laughing. We stand in line. Were talking to ourselves. Those guys keep looking at us strange. My pupils are huge. We buy two blackstones. We pick up Brittney. We go to the ranch. Brittney and Taylor need to talk. Megan and I are extremely mellow. I am fucked up. She rolls a joint. I dont want anything to do with drugs. I want to be sober. I call Ashley. Brittney asks to stay at my house. I drop Megan off, shes fucked up. We go home. I crawl into bed. I am exhausted. I am changed.

almost crimes

There’s a whore inside their bed
The duvets wish that they were still wet
And all the songs they wrote instead

Your ex-lover is not dead

park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor

dream about me

I hate meeting a new person and instantly having feelings for them. Because flaws are invisible when you're blinded by love, right?

I'm perfect to you and you're perfect to me. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

Too bad you get to know people.

I'm not actually wonderful and I'm waiting for the day you soon find out.


Goodbye, perfect love.

schedule

semester 1:

English 30-1
Biology 30
Math 30 Pure

semester 2:

Physics 30
Math 31
Social 30-2

"the more we know, the less we feel."

I am Jacks sense of insecurity

Sometimes I think I know what I want and other times I'm desperately trying to figure myself out. What I once thought I needed turned out to be something entirely different. Kind of like a side effect of a side effect. Take a break up for example.. with the new single attitude so comes loneliness creeping up behind you, leading you to believe that you still need someone to hold. Opportunities arise yet none feel right.. and the loneliness monster is still at your neck.

that which starts bitter ends sweet, and that which starts sweet ends bitter.

absence makes the heart grow fonder...

THINGS I NEED:

• Pay dad back for ticket. ($172)
• Get pedicure. ($65)
• Cowboy hat & boots for stampede
• Rook and daith piercings.
  

just another guy to get over
just another song started over

I have the job of my dreams. I have the car of my dreams. I'm taking better care of myself. Here comes a good year.

I started at Angles today. I love my job!

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer

wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?

make them twitch around their eyes
make them apologize

such a short time ago my life seemed scattered to the wind.
but now it feels like it's all just coming together.
I'm learning new things, and doing thing's I've never done.

all I have for you is one piece of advice:

the universe works its crystalline magic in mysterious ways. bad decisions are impossible, mistakes are merely cosmic teachings. the road you travel may not always be the road you intended, but it is always the road you need to take. but do not forget that fate and will are intertwined, and you blaze your own trail, regardless of where it takes you.

i don't know how to say how i feel

Things are looking up.

Plans this week:

• Wednesday: physics final 9:00am-11:00am, job interview; Boston Pizza 2:30pm, nail appointment 6:00pm.
• Thursday: Spanish final (not attending), hair appointment; Angles hair salon 5:00pm, job interview; Angles hair salon.
• Friday: shopping for summer clothes!, Drew is home.
• Saturday: Morgan Nagel returns to Canada, party at Ghost Lake!
  

all of this is true

"There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

- the curious case of benjamin button

I am so sosois sooo high

I should smoke weed more often it jhelps me sleepp

"if you need anything I'm always here for you"

how many times have I heard this line before only to be let down.

I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.

"when you experience floating down that tunnel towards the light, you know what's behind the light? it's not God, it's me, and I'm going to kick your fucking soul all the way back down the tunnel 'til you choke on your own fucked up ribs. now WAKE THE FUCK UP"

Sigh

This was never on my To-Do list.

grey day

I suck

Live in trailers with no class,
goddamn I hope I can pass high school.

Have you ever wished you were something you're not?

I kind of wish I was one of those oblivious, sheltered kids with over-protective parents. A kid who is still so immature. One that isn't hard or rude and is always polite and kind to others. A kid with a curfew, supper made every night and parents who are still together.

Maybe it's asking too much, but then again I've only ever known what it's like to be forced to mature on your own.

the best part about having this stupid thing
is that maybe someone on the other side cares enough to read

Every bad think I do can be so easily prevented.
I feel like a bad person.

Which goes so nicely with an absence of words from people I thought would dig something out.

just read

Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I'm not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself
and pinpoint where I am
When I finally get it figured out
I've change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Talking shit about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon
I've changed my mind so much I cant even trust it
My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself

i feel inadequate

all
of
the
time

343 am

it's very early in the morning (or late in the evening) and there's a few things i feel i need to say.

first off, i need to apologize.
i need to apologize to the environment/earth. i'm sorry for littering constantly and driving around excessively when i could easily walk to my destinations. i am a fair contributor to global warming.

i need to apologize to my parents. i'm sorry for being a snappy stuck up bitch most of the time. i feel i don't deserve what i've been through in the past years, yet i know that i shouldn't treat you the way i do sometimes. i've learned that i need to treat people the way i want to be treated. i love you both.

i need to apologize to my lungs. i'm sorry for filling you with carsinogenic smoke. my athleticism has not been fully tarnished, but i can certainly feel the affects. i promise i will quit.

i need to apologize to my teachers. i'm sorry i miss so many classes for unneccessary reasons. and yes mrs. hawkes, this includes you too. though it is a little late in the year (11 days of school left late) i will attend every single one of my classes.

and finally i need to apologize to myself. not so much apologize, but promise myself a few things. i'm going to find that once prominent motivation i had and utilize it to my full advantage. i'm also no longer dreading the future. the once dark and deceiving force is now almost exciting to think about. i'm no longer expecting things, but more letting them happen with ease. i no longer crave the curiosity of death and what it brings, becasue i know there is so much to live for. those long lonely nights spent in sadness are no longer exsistent, because lonliness is only another form of peace. peace of mind, peace of body, peace of heart. and with everything i've been through, it's helped me to become the person i am today. strong, independant, and motivated.

keep it real.

jodie.

Time

is the leveler I suppose.
In time, everything will assume it's proper proportions.
There isn't any vengeance to be had. No righteous anger.
Just this stupid I can't breathe feeling.
This invisible elephant sitting on my chest.

That said, my cup is still half empty.

I never truly feel good enough.

Ignore the very bad numbering, but this is my favourite quiz.

1. Where would you most like to live?
I really really want to go to Brazil at one point. Or Germany.

2. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Talking my own mother out of committing suicide.
And then, in more general terms, being cold and having wet feet.

3. Who are your favorite writers?
Alice Sebold, J.K. Rowling, and Lois Lowry.

4. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Hmm, no comment really.

5. What is your most treasured possession?
My family and best friends. And my Pentax camera has a soft spot in my heart as well. Other than that, I have a back scratcher that I got when I was 5 and has done me very well since.

6. What are your favorite names?
I love the name Austin. And Brookes. And Charley (for a girl).

7. What is one selfish thing you would like to do before you die?
Shut my family out of my life. Yet it wouldn't be possible what-so-ever.

14.Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 
"O herro". I'm sure the asian impersonation died years ago after Team America came out. I also have the tendancy to say "ty" instead of thank you.

15.What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Astronomy and math. It's what makes me happiest because I know I'm good at it.

16. When and where were you happiest? 
I try to work it in wherever possible. I’m generally pretty content, barring some ranting.
I confess that I sometimes find it easier to be happier in abstract. I look back on past memories and find happiness there. But in most cases, I prefer my warm bed on a Sunday afternoon.

17. Which talent would you most like to have? 
I would love to be able to sing. Well, I have taken singing lessons for a number of years, but I'd like to be able to have a voice like Dido or Beyonce, maybe even Christina Agruliera.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would maintain my motivation better in the face of adversity. In other words, get off my lazy ass and make things happen.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? 
Math. Overcoming (or some-what overcoming) my disfunctional, over-sized family.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
I’d like to be an esteemed cat. Or some sort of bird. A bear could also be a definite choice (because the solitude in a beautiful forest sounds lovely).


7. What is your current state of mind?
I’m a little let down to find out it’s Sunday night and I have to be at school in a few short hours. I'm feeling lighter as the medication slowly starts to show its full benefits. But as the days wear on, my lack of sleep is not helping one bit.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Everything in moderation. Especially moderation.
People who bang on about their virtues generally aren’t as virtuous as they’d like to think.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
If anything, I lie to myself more than anyone. And these occasions aren't rare either. Generally speaking, if I don't want to believe it, I'll tell myself different.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I think I try to hard. But really I try to look nice and presentable. I CANNOT stand my eyebrows. They can burn in a fiery pit along with celery.

11. Which living person do you most despise?
I'm not a hateful person and I do not hold grudges. But some people just aren't my cup of tea.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Intellect and humour. Nice smile. Nice eyes. But when a guy treats his mother well, it's a huge turn on.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Wit and humor. I like to think of myself as a funny person and I try to surround myself with those kinds of people.


. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
I’m not sure that is a practical concept. With the sweet, so comes the sour, or life would turn into a flat line, surely. But as far as my fantasy of "perfect happiness", I would think that I would fall passionately and madly in love with the perfect man, while I become the valedictorian of my school and grow into myself gracefully.


2. What is your greatest fear?
Losing my mother. Losing my father. Losing people close to me. I can't help but think that once I'm alone, or feel alone, that no one will ever think to call me when a thunderstorm comes rolling into town.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Giving up if excellence isn’t immediate. My insecurity. My inability to keep promises to myself.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
The inability to spell definitely correctly. Ignorance.

5. Which living person do you most admire?
In some aspects my mother. People I know, who are dealing with life in the best way they know how.

is it normal for one to feel so unsure about their future?

"If you are going through hell, keep going."

- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

i'm going to disappear and study this for the rest of my life

http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/2706/spaceb.jpg

i stayed at dad's house last night and you've been screaming on the phone ever since.
please don't threaten to take your life, i'll move over soon i promise. well, i love you.
happy mother's day, mommy.

jodie cooke:

is alone
is not impressed
is angry
is sad
is stupid


i'm starting to think that caring never got me anywhere

anyone need an extra room mate?
i need somewhere to live

I'm going to explain my weekend to you, oh internet blog. This weekend was actually supposed to be one of the best of my life.

So it all starts off with me getting a ticket for rolling a stop sign. Oh well, not a big deal, I just have to ACTUALLY get a job now. But my parents were leaving this weekend so David and I would have the house to ourselves. We decided to have a small gathering with drinking and card games, and for once I decided to drink. So I end up getting completely smashed and get in the car with a very very very hammered driver. Don't ask me why, because I couldn't tell you. I'll just have you know I wanted to get out and tried to stop him from driving. I ended up kicking him out of his seat and driving us home. I stole his keys and hid in my house. Meanwhile everyone back at my house was freaking out about the whole situation. So of course me, being a huge idiot, decided to lock myself in the bathroom to have some alone time. This caused chaos and my parents were called and my Mom came over. I decided to run away and hide at Jordy's house. This got me nowhere, because in about an hour my Mom called me threatening to kill herself. I had to talk to my mom for about an hour before she calmed down and told me where she was and that she would come pick me up. So the next day my mom wakes up and goes to her lawyer's office and talk to her. She tells me that I'm no longer allowed to live at my Dad's house because he left me home alone for the weekend with a 17 year old boy AND I don't have my own room, just the basement with curtains. I'm also apparently not allowed to live with my Mother either because she is emotionally unstable and threatens to take her life. So we decide to go to the Cochrane Mental Health clinic in order to sort some things out. But of course, on the way there my mom's car dies. So we have to walk all the way there and all the way back. So here I am, sitting on my best friend's living room floor unsure of where I will be living for the next few weeks until shit is sorted out.

MY LIFE IS A TRAIN WRECK RIGHT NOW

And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

jodie cooke is no longer the chaser, but the chasee.

eyes wide open, naked as we came

sammie is soooo hot. that is all.

hahahah!
i really need to turn my phone on silent at night!
i sleep talk to everyone who calls me!

I'm debating taking out my tongue ring and lip piercing.
My teenage piercing phase is starting to fade away

beneath the balcony

And how he prays to find a man to blame
For every sleepless night he spends
And for every well that he warned me of
But wound up falling in
And then for the kids beneath the balcony
Who disregard the rain
To make sure the king won't grant
The dead man one more day

“Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.”

-E.E. Cummings

1. In most cases, I like the raw dough/mixture better than the finished product.

2. I haven't worn socks since or eaten celery since grade 9.

3. I fall hard and fast, and most of the time find myself in easily avoidable situations of heartbreak.

4. I'm ignorant, rude, and very blunt. These are the qualities I wish I didn't have

5. I am very bi-polar. It is one thing I want to live without, and one thing that I can't change.

6. When I'm alone, I want more than anything to be able to dial that familiar phone number etched in my mind and hear your voice on the other line.

7. A lot of the time I over-think everything and expect too much out of things so little.

8. I have all of the courses I need to apply to the University of my dreams, but I'm afraid I don't have enough motivation to get there. And even if I do, I fear I won't succeed.

9. I think more people dislike me than like me.

10. Somebody once told me that you should find a person who loves you more than you love them. I will never let that happen again.

11. I won't settle for less than what I deserve. And I don't deserve much.

12. I already have too many nominees for the 'Worst Moment of My Life' category and I know there's some big ones waiting to come.

13. There's pretty much nothing I wouldn't do for the right person.

14. I hog the bed. Entirely. Wholly. Spread-eagle wise. (And I also steal the blankets).

15. Most of the time I try hard not to hurt people and to create a nice positive world in which to inhabit. That said, the heart wants what it wants and the lengths it will go to aren't always pretty.

16. In many ways, I hope I never find out what I'm capable of as I feel the darkness would outweigh the light.

17. In more ways than one, I`ve never really felt so alone.

i found the perfect make out song ever
(random, i know)
grind on me - pretty ricky

LISTEN

i must say, the thing that bugs me most about my family is that we have nothing in common, and we look nothing alike.

jodie cooke

has decided to find herself. and however cheesy that may sound... I think it'll do the trick.

all of my hair is goneeee!

dear jason bank:

WHERE ARE YOU?

happy 420


~*~****smok3 w33d every daiiiii*~*~

I have had a total of 30 hours of sleep this whole week. I think I just cut off 10 years of my life span.

:(

Jodie's Pet Peeves

001. When Calvin Roberts feels it necessary to find every single person's lighter and toss it in to the fire. If I wanted flaming wood flying at my face, I would do it myself asshole. And thanks to you, we no longer have any lighters.

002. Drama bombs.

003. Not sleeping.

004. How I do so many favours for all of my friends when I have other commitments.

“Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.”

-E.E. Cummings

I kind of regret telling you everything. We've changed.

i just woke up
i haven't slept in days
and i reeeeeeek of campfire.
sick!

your routine sickens me

I feel like I'm a mosquito at work - just an annoyance to everyone. Not fully acknowledged in any way, like I'm trying to skate up hill.

In many ways, I hope I never find out what I'm capable of as I feel the darkness would outweigh the light

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing

than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance

01. the less time i spend with you, the more i want it to stay that way. you are selfish, rude, and absolutely oblivious to my feelings. have a nice life.

02. i can't read you.

03. i wish i never met you. i want you out of my life forever.

04. i'm sorry. i still love you, but i can't bring myself to be with you ever again.

so, so, so sick of rumors

my camera is fixed!!!!!!

And that you'd killed the better part of me
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I'd said and you know what I mean
But I still can't focus on anything

looking through patient eyes

i see happiness nearby

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, got up and shot those two dead boys. If you don’t believe this lie, it's true, go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

fucking assholes

i hate people who write shit about things or people they don't even know!

Teenage girls in hospital after crash on Macleod Trail

How much you wanna bet friends will paint the teen driver as a "hero" for trying to avoid rear-ending the cars. If she hadn't been speeding ... oh ... and DRINKING beforehand, then she wouldn't be in the hospital, would she?
Ridiculous.

ALBERTA - ctvcalgary - A 16-year-old girl, who was a passenger in a Pontiac Grand Am driven by another 16-year-old girl, is in critical condition following a serious crash on Macleod Trail.

The crash happened around 9 p.m. Friday at the intersection of Macleod Trail and 71st Street SE.

Police say it appears the car was trying to avoid rear-ending vehicles stopped at a red light when it lost control and crossed the centre cement median ending up in the southbound lanes. A southbound Dodge Durango driven by a 34-year-old man struck the car's front passenger door.

Both girls were trapped in the car and had to be cut from the wreckage by firefighters with the Jaws of Life. Fire crews removed three of the four doors from the car and cut away the roof. Both girls were out in approximately 10 minutes.

The 16-year-old passenger of the car was taken to hospital with critical life-threatening injuries. The 16-year-old driver of the car was also taken to hospital with less severe injuries. No one in the Durango was hurt.

Police are still investigating but say speed and alcohol may be factors in this collision.

one of us had to disappear
i'm just sorry it had to be me

fuck you immunity system why do you suck so much dick
!!!!RI@!#@($@#*%(@#)!*%()!#(

for once

i am me
without you

i have come to realize that every guy who talks to me:

a) is intoxicated or under the influence of mind-altering substances.
b) wants a booty call/hook up.
c) wants to kill me because i broke up with chris.
d) is absolutely insane.

i just feel so abused/unwanted/wanted/used

So I feel a little ridiculous writing this seeing as how I was so opposed to Twilight in the first place, but I ended up watching it last night and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think it was more the love story in the whole movie which enticed me. I want to fall in that awkward, lusty, heavy love.

post secret vomit

jodie caroline cooke
this i know is true

i know i'm still in your head

i just need to know the answer to the one question that's been burning inside of me

i sat in your car and tried to feel emotion. two ruined people. two ruined minds. two ruined hearts. can emotions be spit up thrown out given up or thrown down.

i feel I must interject here, you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
with these revisions and gaps in history
so let me help you remember.
i've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
i've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

for problems with easy solutions...

nerdiest comparison ever

will everything be a reoccurring cycle resulting in different products and emotions?
i feel like i'm trapped in a cellular respiration reaction.

i start out whole and get broken down slowly..

try to scrape it off the thought of skin against skin
move it from the front to back and start it go again

EVERYTHING SHALL BE KNOWN
cross paths, destroy paths, be afraid of certain paths, ignore other paths, find paths, follow paths, lead paths, curious paths, mysterious paths, untouched paths, paths visited often, narrow paths, large paths, short paths, long paths, twisted paths, flat paths, curvy paths, bumpy paths, horrible paths, smooth paths, rough paths, messy paths, clean paths, paths that are torn apart, entangled paths, tidy paths, weird paths, creepy paths, ruined paths, dead end paths.

it's not so much the fact you're hanging out with him. it's the fact that in every single way possible, you have made me realize how easily replaceable and unimportant to you i really am. i promised myself i would never let any boy or person come in the way of this friendship, and i've held my part strong. but for you i don't want this to be a different case. this was once a matter of my life and now it seems almost minuscule.

and that you'd killed the better part of me
if you could just milk it for everything
i've said what I'd said and you know what I mean
but I still can't focus on anything
we kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves

AM I THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE?

this loneliness is getting unbearable

the only way i've been finding my way is through familiarity,
nothing i don't recognize isn't worth my time.
yet this is something that i've been missing this whole time..
change

we're humming birds who've lost the plot and we will not lose

i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to save.

live through this and you won't look back.

pointless but ANNOYING v.2

okay i'm really starting to get pissed off at the absence of my cheese grater.
seriously, this is not amusing.

for the first time in months i'm tired at 11:26 pm.

i'm actually falling asleep as i type this.

EXCITEMENT!!

oh my god i want to go to sasquatch music fest soooooooooo bad!

to you

i was just one of those girls

why can't i be normal.
why can't i just go to school talk with my friends have a good time come home do my homework be productive and finish all that is needed to be done.

i think i make things more difficult. or maybe i'm just difficult to be around.

my homework lays sprawled out in a messy neglected pile that consumes the furthest point in the back of my mind while i sit and stare out into the freezing weather feeling the cold creep up my spine. is it all intertwined?

nothing should be this hard. i wish everything didn't depend on this stupid chemical imbalance existing within me.

i'm in a ranting mood. has today been like every other day? does everyone live so goddamn far away from reality? i think i'm insane. i'm probably the one furthest from reality at this point.

my reality is waking up to feel no joy. but why? is it my procrastination, the lack of effort i put forth, my loneliness, my easily deceived mind?

if somehow something or someone could answer all of these questions for me, instead of me having to try to decipher these puzzles twisting my mind, then please just come soon.

i don't want to feel guilty for not having mutual feelings.

i don't want to feel guilty for not wanting to go to graduation with you.

and i certainly don't want to feel guilty for saying no to dinner.

so why do i feel guilty?

Feeling like Katrina with no fema
Like Martin with no Gina
Like a flight with no visa, first class with the seat back I still see ya

As I recall, I know you love to show off
But I never thought that you would take it this far
What do I know?

I AM IN YOUR HEAD YOUR HEAD YOUR HEAD MINE

what you need

+

i'm going to get help

i'm not alone anymore

pointless but ANNOYING

so when living in a house of seven people, naturally you would expect things to be misplaced or go missing. generally nothing really does... except for the cheese grater. you see the funny thing is, is that all seven of us think the cheese grater belongs in seven different spots around the kitchen so when the dishwasher is clean it is usually placed among the 10 or so cabinets. usually you can get lucky when you try the first three cupboards but after a while of searching i end up saying FUCK IT and give up. i lose all motivation for the grated cheese i once desired and distract myself with something else. dear lord i am just going to have to purchase my own cheese grater and chain it to a wall.

crooked teeth

Cause at night the sun in retreat,
Made the skyline look like crooked teeth,
In the mouth of a man who was devouring, us both.

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech,
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave.

+

my post secret was posted this week.
thanks Frank.

sickened by the very thought. frightened by the very mention. i just need someone to depend on for a little while.

they say liver failure is one of the most painful ways to die.

i want somebody to fall in love with my flaws. or just fall in love with my fear of the dark and my fear of thunderstorms or hills or anything. whether it be my annoying paper ripping/peeling habits or my stupid sushi obsession or my clingyness or my naivety or my loneliness or my chewed up fingernails or my overly moisturized lips or my weirdly small hands and feet or my inability to accept failure or my ability to judge quickly or my freakishly small toes or my gushy belly or my split ends or my endless supply of make up or my messy room or my absolutely unorganized life or my unbalanced chemicals or my mood swings or my fake tan or my undeniable clumsiness or my desire for the unreachable or my blonde roots or my awkward stance or my bad posture or the fact that i don't wear socks or my weird love for piercings or my very very very big heart.

i wish there was someone/something i could spill absolutely everything about my life to

without the repercussions

i can honestly say i am so glad you are out of thought out of mind out of sight. there is nothing more pleasing than having you physically and mentally erased from my mind.

motivation:

what is it? can motivation magically appear then disappear in the blink of an eye? is it a person, a picture, words that are permanently etched in your mind? can it be created from someone you love or absolutely despise? is it this weird cycle of highs and lows, where a new motivation for new things comes into play?
or am i just lacking in everything i once had.

i feel as if i'm stuck in a state of mediocrity.

as if everything i produce or create is nothing more than average, and certainly not exceptional.

the only thing this place reminds me of is bonds.
bonds that have:
a) already been destroyed/broken into nothingness or close to it
b) are crumbling before my eyes or starting to break
or c) have remained unflawed only because the flaws we both possess have not shown through yet.
are all flaws interconnected? at one point in time does a flaw contradict how one acts around another. i am worried that the only thing my flaws will do is drive people away farther and farther until all i am left with are my overshadowed good qualities.

they say that people in your life are seasons
and that anything that happens is for a reason

happy belated birthday Dr. Seuss!

it is 11:39
i have had 30 hours of sleep in the past three days

soulja boy is possibly the best looking male i have ever seen

i am so thankful for still being here

i now know what it's like to feel so close to the edge

my stomach feels like knvies are being jabbed into it
my head weighs 100 pounds
i haven't eaten in 3 days

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME.
THERE IS A REASON YOU ARE OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW STAY OUT FOREVER.

boo

Just when I thought I could escape the feeling of destruction,
it came crawling up right behind me.

my mind is an impenetrable fortress with impermeable walls surrounding it.
break through..

inconsistent:
not in agreement, harmony, or accord; incompatible acts inconsistent with belief
not uniform; self-contradictory inconsistent testimony
not always holding to the same principles or practice; changeable

I am surrounded by unavoidable inconsistency,
I just hope it won't be my downfall.

i really should disconnect my facebook from my hotmail

You have 1558 new emails!

write a book
send a letter
fall in love
four letter words
are all i have

+/-

I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.

the hair stands on my neck
my eyes out of focus
you have so much control
yet none at all

dear lord

last time i ever take cough medicine

it's time to end it all

-

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

alive out of habit

think of me as days pass us by

astronomy

everyone should make a mental note:

when traveling over the open ocean in the middle of the night
when the sky is a thick blanket of black and uncertainty
when the ocean is dark and unknowing
look out the window
and soak in the beauty

+/-

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

eeeeeeeee!

thoughts thoughts thoughts
you get the best of meeeeeeeee
goodbye canada, hello hawaii

For what is said but never heard. We change the world by just a word. Be impeccable with your word and watch something grow.

of everything

can uncertainty lead to misinterpretation? have i been leading myself down a narrow passage of defeat this whole time, or am i willing to face the inevitable truth.

ignoring the extremely scandalous picture, one of my friends made this and said i look like Megan Fox.

holy shit self esteem boost.

appreciation

an emotional/mental/physical vacation is much needed.
tropical paradise, here i comeeeee

sitting
reading
smoking
thinking
sitting
thinking
reading
smoking

self betterment is so easy to say
so much harder to undergo

hehehehehiexpectsomuchoutofthingsthataresolittlehehehe

the little hope i had left in my heart was officially deflated

can there be an explanation to everything

or does everything happen by coincidence.

can everything be put into one category?

be yourself

or be yourself with someone else

choose now

help i'm alive

i don't know if i'm writing this for you or for myself anymore

everything that went through my head was once yours

and now is mine own

but i don't know me

and i don't know if i'm ever going to know myself

only because i don't let myself get too close

but when you're stuck in your own head

there's not much to look forward too

i am so disappointed in myself yet i cannot find any more impacting/detremental words to write down this immense disappointment. i have changed.

missing class just to sit and stare into something that made a little more sense than my current situation certainly didn't help. looking at walls felt more comforting than looking broken. looking out windows made me feel a little less cold than the weather outside. i thought bullshitting my way through school would make everything easier but it has led to the my ultimate demise. i am even more afraid of the future and even more unsettled about my current surroundings.

i was meant to travel water,
i was meant to travel sun,
thus far, i've done none.

how does every single word that goes through your head have such a huge impact on me.
if my words could do that to you, baby i'd be satisfied.

tell me am i right to thing that there could be nothing better


i want to sing for days and never stop and never stop and never stop
i miss singing all the time

around around goes the carousel

+++

this is working out so perfectly

Truth: like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying it will just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.

DO WHAT YOU FEEL NOW

standing there with nothing on
she's gonna teach me how to swim

i'm:

i'm a little break. i'm places you'll never go. i'm people you'll never meet. i'm eye contact you'll never make. i'm your smoky breath on a cool night. i'm the impossible accomplished. i'm the change in your pocket. i'm the hair in your eyes. i'm the beauty in everything you see every day. i'm clever lines you never said. i'm good advice you never took. i'm the best lie you've ever heard.

+

Happiness comes in many forms.
Last night it came in you.

out of thought

out of sight

out of mind

silently shivering

i want to find something that is worth the pain,

that is worth the regret,

that is worth the emotions,

that is worth the destruction. 

something that will help me feel whole again.

i am a nerd

i am excited for physics

i love my step family

I thought living with them would be worse. I feel as if I have a home more than I did before. 

anxiety anxiety go away come again another day..

+/-

Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.

i wrote this a while ago

i want to go to bed with a clear head and never worry about the hours of sleep i won't get

Hawaii in two weeks!!

i just wanted to be your number one

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back

+/-

i just need some reassurance that i'm not wasting my time.

you will never stop it now

i couldn't be happier that this semester is over!
social probably destroyed my average blah

i really need to stop biting my nails

if i could only write down my actual feelings onto my facebook status.

Jodie is:
lonely?
in too deep?
not good enough?
cares too much
doesn't care enough

finding that out tonight made me realize just how oblivious i am to my feelings.
or maybe i was just oblivious to the whole situation i found myself caught up in.

i always let myself get too close

--

i am so sick of your mixed signals

time and cause and time

i don't want to think that time spent was time wasted. or the time that was wasted did not bring meaning to anything. i am so sick of feeling unsettled about everything. was i stupid to think this was going to be easy?

well let's agree to disagree

it sucks hearing rumors about you, too

today today

it is 4:29 in the morning
i had a thouroughly satisfying/productive day
i read my whole national geographic,
and i even got to eat sushi.. =)

smoking is starting to catch up with me

but i really hope we win this tournament!

butterflies

spicy food fight club cuddling soft kisses clam chowder apple mgmt blue and green eyes

i just want you to know

i care

and waited out the night

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind. Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes. I submit no excuse. If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure. Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?

my new national geographic came today

i'm going to have no life for the next 3 days.

ps; there are only 40 caribou left in america.

+/-

i'm vulnerable again

things were going so well

people as places as people

Always asking a question, and I don't wanna know
Like the wind across strings that had finally let go
And the people you love, but you didn't quite know
And they're the places that you wanted to go
And they're the places that you wanted to go
And they're the places that you wanted to go

I think I might get to sleep before 2 tonight

I am a impenetrable fortress with a moat and alligators. Hungry alligators.

all of this is true

awkward and wonderful

why am I so afraid to think about the exsistence of God?

let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go

it is lovely outside today

I've never made resolutions before, but here it goes.

1) Stick to my commitments
2) Stop biting my nails!!
3) Quit smoking
4) Get in shape/ lose weight
5) Find happiness

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Weird, but this movie made me think of what happiness is. Whether it`s shared with another person or alone, it can always find you. If things were to be different maybe I wouldn`t take everything for granted. I`m going to start appreciating everything, even the little things like snow on the ground and my heating blanket and socks and you.

+/-

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out

I wish I knew.

I feel like I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person for breaking up with the "perfect guy". I'm a bad person for skipping school. I'm a bad person for lying, for not caring, and for making excuses. The more things I make excuses for the shittier I feel. Yet I don't have the motivation to stop or better myself. I am doing all of the things I said I didn't want to do. Self improvement list: stop smoking, stop making excuses, start caring. Self betterment is so much easier said than done.

00.

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that most dogs I've known will go to heaven ... and most people I've known, won't."

00.

I named this scar tissue. I don't really know why, I don't have any scars. Well, none that are visible anyway.