343 am

it's very early in the morning (or late in the evening) and there's a few things i feel i need to say.

first off, i need to apologize.
i need to apologize to the environment/earth. i'm sorry for littering constantly and driving around excessively when i could easily walk to my destinations. i am a fair contributor to global warming.

i need to apologize to my parents. i'm sorry for being a snappy stuck up bitch most of the time. i feel i don't deserve what i've been through in the past years, yet i know that i shouldn't treat you the way i do sometimes. i've learned that i need to treat people the way i want to be treated. i love you both.

i need to apologize to my lungs. i'm sorry for filling you with carsinogenic smoke. my athleticism has not been fully tarnished, but i can certainly feel the affects. i promise i will quit.

i need to apologize to my teachers. i'm sorry i miss so many classes for unneccessary reasons. and yes mrs. hawkes, this includes you too. though it is a little late in the year (11 days of school left late) i will attend every single one of my classes.

and finally i need to apologize to myself. not so much apologize, but promise myself a few things. i'm going to find that once prominent motivation i had and utilize it to my full advantage. i'm also no longer dreading the future. the once dark and deceiving force is now almost exciting to think about. i'm no longer expecting things, but more letting them happen with ease. i no longer crave the curiosity of death and what it brings, becasue i know there is so much to live for. those long lonely nights spent in sadness are no longer exsistent, because lonliness is only another form of peace. peace of mind, peace of body, peace of heart. and with everything i've been through, it's helped me to become the person i am today. strong, independant, and motivated.

keep it real.

jodie.