i am so disappointed in myself yet i cannot find any more impacting/detremental words to write down this immense disappointment. i have changed.

missing class just to sit and stare into something that made a little more sense than my current situation certainly didn't help. looking at walls felt more comforting than looking broken. looking out windows made me feel a little less cold than the weather outside. i thought bullshitting my way through school would make everything easier but it has led to the my ultimate demise. i am even more afraid of the future and even more unsettled about my current surroundings.

i was meant to travel water,
i was meant to travel sun,
thus far, i've done none.