out of thought

out of sight

out of mind

silently shivering

i want to find something that is worth the pain,

that is worth the regret,

that is worth the emotions,

that is worth the destruction. 

something that will help me feel whole again.

i am a nerd

i am excited for physics

i love my step family

I thought living with them would be worse. I feel as if I have a home more than I did before. 

anxiety anxiety go away come again another day..

+/-

Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.

i wrote this a while ago

i want to go to bed with a clear head and never worry about the hours of sleep i won't get

Hawaii in two weeks!!

i just wanted to be your number one

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back

+/-

i just need some reassurance that i'm not wasting my time.

you will never stop it now

i couldn't be happier that this semester is over!
social probably destroyed my average blah

i really need to stop biting my nails

if i could only write down my actual feelings onto my facebook status.

Jodie is:
lonely?
in too deep?
not good enough?
cares too much
doesn't care enough

finding that out tonight made me realize just how oblivious i am to my feelings.
or maybe i was just oblivious to the whole situation i found myself caught up in.

i always let myself get too close

--

i am so sick of your mixed signals

time and cause and time

i don't want to think that time spent was time wasted. or the time that was wasted did not bring meaning to anything. i am so sick of feeling unsettled about everything. was i stupid to think this was going to be easy?

well let's agree to disagree

it sucks hearing rumors about you, too

today today

it is 4:29 in the morning
i had a thouroughly satisfying/productive day
i read my whole national geographic,
and i even got to eat sushi.. =)

smoking is starting to catch up with me

but i really hope we win this tournament!

butterflies

spicy food fight club cuddling soft kisses clam chowder apple mgmt blue and green eyes

i just want you to know

i care

and waited out the night

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind. Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes. I submit no excuse. If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure. Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?

my new national geographic came today

i'm going to have no life for the next 3 days.

ps; there are only 40 caribou left in america.

+/-

i'm vulnerable again

things were going so well

people as places as people

Always asking a question, and I don't wanna know
Like the wind across strings that had finally let go
And the people you love, but you didn't quite know
And they're the places that you wanted to go
And they're the places that you wanted to go
And they're the places that you wanted to go

I think I might get to sleep before 2 tonight

I am a impenetrable fortress with a moat and alligators. Hungry alligators.

all of this is true

awkward and wonderful

why am I so afraid to think about the exsistence of God?

let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go

it is lovely outside today

I've never made resolutions before, but here it goes.

1) Stick to my commitments
2) Stop biting my nails!!
3) Quit smoking
4) Get in shape/ lose weight
5) Find happiness

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Weird, but this movie made me think of what happiness is. Whether it`s shared with another person or alone, it can always find you. If things were to be different maybe I wouldn`t take everything for granted. I`m going to start appreciating everything, even the little things like snow on the ground and my heating blanket and socks and you.

+/-

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out

I wish I knew.

I feel like I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person for breaking up with the "perfect guy". I'm a bad person for skipping school. I'm a bad person for lying, for not caring, and for making excuses. The more things I make excuses for the shittier I feel. Yet I don't have the motivation to stop or better myself. I am doing all of the things I said I didn't want to do. Self improvement list: stop smoking, stop making excuses, start caring. Self betterment is so much easier said than done.

00.

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that most dogs I've known will go to heaven ... and most people I've known, won't."

00.

I named this scar tissue. I don't really know why, I don't have any scars. Well, none that are visible anyway.