pointless but ANNOYING

so when living in a house of seven people, naturally you would expect things to be misplaced or go missing. generally nothing really does... except for the cheese grater. you see the funny thing is, is that all seven of us think the cheese grater belongs in seven different spots around the kitchen so when the dishwasher is clean it is usually placed among the 10 or so cabinets. usually you can get lucky when you try the first three cupboards but after a while of searching i end up saying FUCK IT and give up. i lose all motivation for the grated cheese i once desired and distract myself with something else. dear lord i am just going to have to purchase my own cheese grater and chain it to a wall.

crooked teeth

Cause at night the sun in retreat,
Made the skyline look like crooked teeth,
In the mouth of a man who was devouring, us both.

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech,
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave.

+

my post secret was posted this week.
thanks Frank.

sickened by the very thought. frightened by the very mention. i just need someone to depend on for a little while.

they say liver failure is one of the most painful ways to die.

i want somebody to fall in love with my flaws. or just fall in love with my fear of the dark and my fear of thunderstorms or hills or anything. whether it be my annoying paper ripping/peeling habits or my stupid sushi obsession or my clingyness or my naivety or my loneliness or my chewed up fingernails or my overly moisturized lips or my weirdly small hands and feet or my inability to accept failure or my ability to judge quickly or my freakishly small toes or my gushy belly or my split ends or my endless supply of make up or my messy room or my absolutely unorganized life or my unbalanced chemicals or my mood swings or my fake tan or my undeniable clumsiness or my desire for the unreachable or my blonde roots or my awkward stance or my bad posture or the fact that i don't wear socks or my weird love for piercings or my very very very big heart.

i wish there was someone/something i could spill absolutely everything about my life to

without the repercussions

i can honestly say i am so glad you are out of thought out of mind out of sight. there is nothing more pleasing than having you physically and mentally erased from my mind.

motivation:

what is it? can motivation magically appear then disappear in the blink of an eye? is it a person, a picture, words that are permanently etched in your mind? can it be created from someone you love or absolutely despise? is it this weird cycle of highs and lows, where a new motivation for new things comes into play?
or am i just lacking in everything i once had.

i feel as if i'm stuck in a state of mediocrity.

as if everything i produce or create is nothing more than average, and certainly not exceptional.

the only thing this place reminds me of is bonds.
bonds that have:
a) already been destroyed/broken into nothingness or close to it
b) are crumbling before my eyes or starting to break
or c) have remained unflawed only because the flaws we both possess have not shown through yet.
are all flaws interconnected? at one point in time does a flaw contradict how one acts around another. i am worried that the only thing my flaws will do is drive people away farther and farther until all i am left with are my overshadowed good qualities.

they say that people in your life are seasons
and that anything that happens is for a reason

happy belated birthday Dr. Seuss!

it is 11:39
i have had 30 hours of sleep in the past three days

soulja boy is possibly the best looking male i have ever seen

i am so thankful for still being here

i now know what it's like to feel so close to the edge

my stomach feels like knvies are being jabbed into it
my head weighs 100 pounds
i haven't eaten in 3 days

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME.
THERE IS A REASON YOU ARE OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW STAY OUT FOREVER.

boo

Just when I thought I could escape the feeling of destruction,
it came crawling up right behind me.